Yesterday I hid.
I was asked to serve and I said yes and then I said no.
And I hid.
Fear consumed me and my hands shook and I thought…there is no way I can make music come from white/black keys. It had been so long since I had tried. It had been nearly one year ago, on a cold afternoon in February while the lid was being closed to my mother’s face forever…until eternity.
And I played…..How Great Thou Art.
Now, that is all I think of when I sit in front of those smooth keys. It’s the only song I want to play. So I don’t play.
There are moments when it just seems so natural to serve God like I used to….and then something happens and I remember how I served last…with my mom…for my mom….and then my heart clinches and I back out, and say no.
I felt gloomy all day after that. It fit with the day, gloomy, gray, wet.
I pulled out my Joy Dare list and tried to find joy in three things:
- light that caught you, a reflection that surprised you, a shadow that fell lovely
There was no light to be caught, the reflection showed tired eyes, the shadows were long….where was the joy?
So I started thinking of what had made me smile that day.
- my son taking my car to get the wheels balanced because I had been complaining how rough it was driving
- my daughter stretched out on the sofa, studying about fashion for her blog
- Suzie the dog, happy, sitting at my feet, longing to be loved on, her heavy coat with the faintest smell of skunk
- black kittens running when the door opens, wanting so badly to be loved, but afraid to come near, staying just far enough away to be seen, to see, but not be touched
- a roast cooking in the oven
- my son working in the garage
- my daughter spending time with me
It really is true…once you start looking for joy and things to be thankful for….you find joy…you find thankfulness.
Today, I’m looking for joy:
- a gift in your hand, a gift you walked by, a gift you sat with
