It was the day before my 47th birthday. At some point during the day we had a private conversation and I made some promises to her and we said, what turned out to be, out goodbyes.

Before she got sick, I had shared with her a story I was writing. I’ve been writing stories for about 30 years now, there’s a blue suitcase full of them under my bed. Some of my shorter stories, I had given Mom copies of and she keep a folder of them all. Back to that last story…..she had gone through and helped me doing some editing and then gave it back. We discussed what needed to happen next…lots of research.

That last conversation with her was about that book. She asked me to finish it and try to get it published…that story and any others I had floating around in my head. I promised her I would.

Then she told me “Don’t be afraid to dream and go after those dreams.”

This past year I’ve been thinking on those words. I wondered what my mother saw in my life that said I wasn’t living out my dreams. Then I realized….I stopped dreaming a long time ago. I have lived a life of reactions…reacting to circumstances and situations that were happening to me or around me. I believe what my mom was trying to tell was I needed to set some goals, make some plans, do some work, and make things happen…instead of waiting for things to happen.

Psalm 37:4-5 says Delight thyself also in the Lord; and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

This past year I’ve been focusing on the desires of my heart….I’ve been dreaming. I’ve had a year of mourning and inward focus and now it’s time to do something. It’s time to work on those dreams and desires. It will take an effort on my part…more than I’ve put into it before.

I don’t want to forget her words to me, her encouragement….so…I got inked!

It is on the underside of my arm, so when I am working, I see it as a constant reminder of my mother’s wisdom…there is more to life than just surviving…there are dreams to be chased and brought to fulfillment.

You’ll notice there are a couple of other words along with my mom’s…choose joy.

The blogging world was blessed by the presence of Sara. She was such a great writer, encourager, friend. She was limited by her illness to interact with life as most people do, so she interacted through social networks and touched too many lives to count. In September of 2011, her illness was cured…like Mom’s…when she met Jesus face to face. All over the blogworld, her life’s mantra spread…choose joy.  I’ve always liked her definition of joy.

Joy: the unwavering trust that God knows what He’s doing and has blessed me with the opportunity to be a part of it… not despite what’s happening in my life but because of it. When everything earthly feels heavy He gives me an internal lightness that can’t be touched.

During my grief journey, God brought those two words up to me on a constant basis….choose joy.  It was my choice to feel anger, bitterness…or joy.  I never wanted to forget that either.

It was at a DotMom event that I went to in September, that I heard the news that Sara had died.  While I was seeing “choose joy” everywhere in blog posts, some were getting a tattoo to honor Sara.  During the event, Melissa Green sang this Jody’s Song and I knew….I was suppose to get a tattoo.

So now, I have a constant reminder of how to live….what my attitude should be…what to go after….choose joy & dream!

My daughter went with me yesterday, she’s done this before (gotten a tattoo), but she too wanted my mom’s word of encouragement.

Jody’s Song

Thank you, to Heather, at Lotus Tattoos for making this a fairly painless experience!  She took the design that Sally had created and now I have Sally’s art and my mom’s words forever with me!

However, I was quickly joined by two companions that have joined me more and more lately….anger and bitterness.

They come in uninvited most of the time and before I know it, half the meal’s gone and they are as comfortable as all get out.

I don’t really like it when they show up….so I started counting joy.

My chocolate milk.

Breakfast.

Being another year older.

My family…getting ready to go to Sunday School with me.

The sunshine.

The church.

My boots.

Suddenly, I was the only one at the table and my spirits were up, I had excitement and joy was in my heart and it only took a few hints being dropped before the guys remembered that it was my birthday.

But what I was reminded of, was that I knew my guys weren’t into dates.  I had set myself up to get my feelings hurt.  And it was up to me how I responded to circumstances….and yesterday…and today and tomorrow….

I’m going to choose joy.

It was still dark, foggy and cold.  I decided to wait for morning to come.  Driving into work during the week gives me lots of opportunities to see the sunrise and I try to capture the image as I’m driving down the road, but the cell phone can’t really capture God’s glory.

So here I sit 6:30 on a Saturday morning, on my back porch with camera and laptop.  So far, it’s just lots of clouds.  I’m glad I brought my quilt.  It’s still cold.

I’m not a coffee drinker and even though it is cold, I bring me some sweet iced tea.  I really figured with all the clouds there would be a dramatic sunrise.  But the clouds just gently rolled by and the sun peeked over the tree tops.

I did have some companions.  The mama kitty came to see what I was up to and one of her babies followed.  They are still wild and won’t let you touch them.

They seemed to like my tea.  Poor baby…mama won’t let her have any.  But then mama goes off to chase the morning through the field and baby has her fill.

1 year ago I spent this day with a special lady….I wonder what the sunrise looks like from Heaven.

The cats make as much noise running on the porch as any dog could.  They chase each other.  A woodpecker flies in to peak on my log house.  I guess he thinks it’s a big tree.  Something big and black is at the pond.  I thought it was trash, left over from the big storm on Monday, but now it’s gone….wonder what creature that was?

The horse wakes up and mossies to the water.  Crows fly in and sing their song.  The neighbor’s alpac’s head out into the field.  So strange to watch those long necked creatures run and play.

The wind blows the last of the clouds away and the sun peeks through the trees.  An alarm goes off in the house.  Time for someone to get up.

Golden lights start to sparkle on the pond reflecting the sun as it clears the trees.

My fingers are frozen stiff and the cat is on the other side of the pond…oh wait, she’s right here, just leaped up in my lap.  I wonder if that is one of the babies at the pond.  Brave soul.  Watch out for the eagles!

Sun bright….time to start the day.  Time for a fresh glass of tea…oh…I smell bacon cooking!

So here are a few:

3 yellow things:  my yellow highlighter marking verses

1 thing you gave away:  birthday gifts to friends, near and far

1 gift that made you quiet:  a picture given to me of me & my mother holding hands, laughing

a grace in the weather:  the storm, winds, rains, safety, working with Adam before the rains

a gift only see close-up:  visiting the quilt museum, all those tiny stitches, standing as close as possible without touching to see them

1 thing from your memory:  walking into Hancock Fabrics and remembering being their with my mother and grandmother as a little girl

1 grace smoothed & unfolded:  folding tarps with Adam and having the wind unfold them

gifts found in Christ:  today it would joy, the choose given, forgiveness, peace

“Life is not an emergency, it is like dessert, to be savored.” – Ann Voskamp

Today I received my cards in the mail.  There was a big box sitting at the back door and we wondered how many cards they had sent me!  I not only received the cards, but a file organizer!

Over the weekend, I have to decide how I’m going to use those cards and then on Monday, I’ll link up with others that received the same package and tell why writing letters is important.

The cards are beautiful.  As I read through each one, I thought of the person it was perfect for.  And one in particular I knew would never be sent.  It was perfect for a birthday card for a woman that loved roses…my mother.  She would have loved the card.  The moment I saw it, I thought of her.

I guess that is how it is suppose to be.

I was asked to serve and I said yes and then I said no.

And I hid.

Fear consumed me and my hands shook and I thought…there is no way I can make music come from white/black keys.  It had been so long since I had tried.  It had been nearly one year ago, on a cold afternoon in February while the lid was being closed to my mother’s face forever…until eternity.

And I played…..How Great Thou Art.

Now, that is all I think of when I sit in front of those smooth keys.  It’s the only song I want to play.  So I don’t play.

There are moments when it just seems so natural to serve God like I used to….and then something happens and I remember how I served last…with my mom…for my mom….and then my heart clinches and I back out, and say no.

I felt gloomy all day after that.  It fit with the day, gloomy, gray, wet.

I pulled out my Joy Dare list and tried to find joy in three things:

• light that caught you, a reflection that surprised you, a shadow that fell lovely

There was no light to be caught, the reflection showed tired eyes, the shadows were long….where was the joy?

So I started thinking of what had made me smile that day.

1. my son taking my car to get the wheels balanced because I had been complaining how rough it was driving
2. my daughter stretched out on the sofa, studying about fashion for her blog
3. Suzie the dog, happy, sitting at my feet, longing to be loved on, her heavy coat with the faintest smell of skunk
4. black kittens running when the door opens, wanting so badly to be loved, but afraid to come near, staying just far enough away to be seen, to see, but not be touched
5. a roast cooking in the oven
6. my son working in the garage
7. my daughter spending time with me

It really is true…once you start looking for joy and things to be thankful for….you find joy…you find thankfulness.

Today, I’m looking for joy:

• a gift in your hand, a gift you walked by, a gift you sat with

I’m not sure exactly how this dare will play itself out other than the fact that I have chosen Joy to be my word for the year 2012.  So when I saw Ann’s post, I knew it was for me, this dare, this choice, this determination that no matter what circumstance may come this year….I choose joy.

Why the “dream” in the top photo?  Sometime last year I asked Sally to design this for me and this is one of her drawings.  I wanted my focus, “choose joy”, and I wanted the word “dream”.

You know it will relate back to my mom….all things do now.

Around this time one year ago my mom started speaking words that were hard to hear.  Decisions that she had made, words of wisdom she wanted to make sure I “got”.  We laughed and cried over those words.  As the month progressed, she told me, right before my birthday, to “dream….don’t you be afraid to dream”, where her words.  “Do something with those dreams.”

So this year….I’m going to give voice to my dreams.  I’m going to choose joy.

Sometimes you don’t know you’re taking the first step through a door — until you’re already inside. 

Ann Voskamp

Am I the only one that started 2012 with these words, “In the beginning..”?

About 14 years ago, during the late 1990′s when the internet was just becoming available to the average person and all of us were IMing each other, I asked some friends of mine…other moms…if they would join me in reading through the Bible in a year.  It was my first attempt to truly do this.  I was committed to reading it all…all in one year.

Like my grandmother did.

Every year.

Grannie Lewis would take her well worn Bible or a new Bible, and read through it, several times, in a year.  She would add her notes, her thoughts, her insights to the readings.  She took the Bibles of her children and grandchildren and read them through, cover to cover, and then after she had read all the Word, and added her words, her prayers, she would give the Bible back for us to read.

I still pull that Bible out and read her words on the Word.

My friends helped me that year, read through my Bible for the first time, cover to cover.  We encouraged each other, lifted up each other in prayer, discussed insights, asked questions, grew closer together and, mostly…most importantly, drew closer to God.

This year, I’ve asked some friends to read with me again.  Some have not responded, some tactfully said no, thankfully…one said yes!

I was a little disappointed that out of all those I asked, only one said yes….but one is enough because God said where two or more are gatherED…He is there.  So the two of us will gather and hopefully more will join us as He is with us.

It’s three days into January 2012 and already I’m hearing the excuses:

I’m already behind.

I don’t like to read.

I don’t have the time.

I don’t know what to read.

I’ve tried before and could never do it.

I just don’t understand what I’m reading.

Any of those sound familiar?  Have you used any of them?

Day 1 was easy…it was Sunday after all!  We are suppose to be in the word on Sundays.

Day 2 – well, I was off from work, so that made it a little more easier to get the time in for reading.

Day 3 – back to a normal schedule after all the holiday schedule, back to not having enough time to rise early in the morning and read 3 chapters from Leviticus or a list of descendants in Numbers.

So I rush through my morning routine with last night’s verse ringing in my heart:

Early will I seek You.  Psalm 63:1

I rush to my car, already 10 minutes later than I wanted to leave.  I rush down the highway, thinking of all the crazy people that are cutting back and forth through the traffic.  I rush into the building to get out of the cold.  I rush to get my computer on, my desk in order and my day scheduled.

I rush.

When did I seek Him?

It’s 11am and I’m just now stopping for the day, opening my Bible for a quick reading, today’s reading Genesis 3-5.

Why didn’t I seek Him earlier?  How could I have sought Him earlier?

On my drive into work, I always listen to the CD player.  At work, I listen to music & podcasts on my iTunes or CDs.  I “socialize” on Facebook several times a day.  What if…just what if…I took some of that noise I listen to and exchanged it with the Word of God being read to me, worship music to encourage me, sermons to enlighten me?

I’m using the Read the Bible for Life resources and some or most of these suggestions can be found HERE with information on how to get the information yourself, add it to your computer or add it to your smartphone.

There really is no excuse for not wanting to spend time with God.  For the most part, people that come to this website already know Him.  If you had time to read this….then you had time to read His Word.

Why didn’t you choose Him over me?

I’m positive if Adam and Eve had been able to choose again, standing under that tree….they would have chosen differently.

Early in your day….early in your circumstances…early in your life…early in matters of the heart…early in troubles…early in good times….

SEEK HIM!!!!

I spent the afternoon doing some minor and major housecleaning and decided that in 2012 there are some things that I will not have to buy.  For example:  There is no need to buy:

• new pens/pencils (I only have about a thousand)
• new notepads/notebooks (at least 20 found!)
• new books/magazines or any type of reading material (I’m not even going to admit how many books and magazines I have)
• fabric (let’s not go there either)
• thread (every color imaginable)

So what can I do in the new year?  I have “resolved” to do a few things:

• read my Bible daily, reading chronologically
• focus on choosing joy no matter the circumstance
• have more family time
• conquer the quilting machine
• create art of some form each week
• write
• cook more, learn different techniques, better choices
• keep my camp holy

For the Lord thy God walketh in the midst of the thy camp, to deliver thee, and to give up thine enemies before thee: therefore shall thy camp be holy:  that he see no unclean thing in thee, and turn away from thee.   Deuteronomy 23:14

An artist doesn’t do their art for the money they can make.

An artist (no matter the medium they use) must create, it’s a voice within them that must find a way to be heard.  An artist creates for those that see, not the work of art, but see the meaning behind the art, the love, the emotions, the tears, the joy, the memories.  If in the process someone wants to show their appreciation for their art with a monetary gift….it’s usually appreciated.  But I’ve noticed from the artists that I know….they usually just give their art away, they share it without any regard to expecting to get something back…other than the smile on the receiver’s face….that is reward enough.

Someone to hear the voice that had to come out.

This morning as I drove into work, my attention was captured once again by the work of art before me.  The medium was nature and the brush was the wind, moving clouds as easily as an artists moves oil on canvas.

I watched the play of shadows and colors as The Artist changed His work with a simple breath.  One moment there were purples, blues, grays, and whites, then in the next moment pinks and reds splashed in bold strokes and light touches.

I marveled at how He could have a dark cloud and then in same breath, have rays of sunshine.

Shadows and colors mingling together to bring beauty.  And while a camera or the canvas may try to capture the effect, only the naked eye can really see what The Artist has done.

But artists try over and over again to recreate what they have experienced, so they can show someone else the beauty that is around us….if we would but open our eyes to see.  The beauty of His work is so overwhelming, so awesome, it must find a voice, it must be spoken, shown, shouted, seen, savored.

What work of art is The Artist creating for you today?  Give it a voice, recreate it in some way, show it to others.